Finding Your True North

That moment when you realize you've become lazy and your life is off kilter from where you thought you would be. The reason for your laziness is fear. The fear that's been cooped up inside and you didn't know was even there. The fear that stems from loneliness and the inspiration to help you push past the fear is the one you're most lonely without.

Quite the catch 22.

Fear is my inspiration and inspiration is my fear. With it I'm not lonely, my life doesn't feel off track and I can feel like me. I want to strive for the things I love because that's when I feel love and when i can give love. I'm questioned, called out on my excuses, and as a result I am allowed to safely dive deep into my own soul, my own self, my own true north. To be vulnerable, and move past my own hiccups, to forgive myself, let things go, to start fresh. 

My fear is losing that...it's a soul connection which was unexpected. An unconditional love that was unexpected. A foundation of truth which has rocked me to my core-to see me. 

How do I keep it? How do I express my appreciation for it? How do I not push it away? 

Be Strong.

Cry when you need to.

Be Strong.

Let it fly, support it, love it, be by its side, explore with it, let go of the outcome with it, and always, always, be thankful you have it.

Get up, motivate, create

For that is beautiful.

And that fuels strength.

Make a difference,

Let love do its own job,

You do yours.

Trust.

The Alchemist

Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don't all have the courage to confront our own dream.

Why?

The four obstacles

We're told from childhood onward that everything we want to do is impossible. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul it seems invisible. But it's still there

If we have the courage to dream, we are soon faced by the second obstacle. Love. We know what we want to do but we are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. We don't realize that those close to us who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.

Once we have accepted love as a stimulus, we run into the fear of our defeats. We who fight for our dreams suffer far more worse when it doesn't work out because we can no longer fall back on the old excuse of "oh well, I didn't really want it anyway" because we do really want it. We know that the path of personal calling is no easier than any other path except that our whole heart is in this journey. We know the universe is conspiring in our favor and now it is our job to practice patience, even though we may not fully understand how. 

Once we have recognized these three obstacles, then comes the fourth... The fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our lives. This is the. Most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a saintly aura about it. Renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of god, you help the soul of the world, and you understand why you are here.

Thank you "The Alchemist"

That Time I Almost Quit Yoga

I recall a night where I crawled in my dads lap at 30 years old, as if I was 7 year old, and cried my eyes out because I didn't understand why the universe would show me something so totally amazing and then just strip it away and expect me not to be a hot mess...

I'm more mindful than that. I'm more in tune with myself than that. And I almost quit yoga because of that.

It's a task being a yogi, I see those pictures on Facebook of "what my friends things I do" "what I think I do" yadi yadi and I can relate to it. Anyone who practices yoga regularly, takes yoga, or has even been touched by yoga in the slightest way can probably relate to what I'm talking about. Most think that we are bendy and smell like patchouli all the time. In real life our hearts are struck like metals being turned to brass, alchemy, always looking to turn our reality into the best it can be.

When life throws things at you, you have no choice but to look at it and to understand its root, what you can make of it and how it will benefit you and those around you. The Beatles sang about how living is easy with eyes closed and that's the truth. So many people carry on in the world with blinders up, not looking out at the world and seeing the beauty that comes from those rough situations.

Life doesn't throw negative things in your direction, it throws opportunity in your direction. Opportunity to grow, to love, to learn, to empower, and to teach. It's not easy, especially with a powerful full moon peeking in your window. A great yoga teacher and mentor asked me once if I was ready for the journey that yoga takes you on. I didn't understand at first what she was getting at. Now I understand. When life gets rocky, I now have eyes to see the lessons to be learned and no longer have the excuse of pushing it under the rug. Some days I want to quit yoga, so I don't have to look at the situations with open, analytical eyes, looking for the lesson and being all mindful. But once it's passed, I'm thankful that I did.

Keep your eyes open, lose your inhibitions and curl up in your dads lap, or your moms, or your dogs, whatever ya got to feel safe. Don't be afraid to open your eyes, for if you keep them closed the energy will build up inside of you and continue to repeat itself to get out. Take a deep breath, be vulnerable, let it go, truly live life. And don't quit yoga, we all know savasana is a gift!

Yoga in Victoria Park

Everyone has wondered why I chose the middle of southern Ontario to stay for the summer. Sometimes I have even wondered what in the world I'm doing here, of all places in the world. Today a lot of that was answered for me, maybe not everyone else in the world but for me, yes.

As I approached the clock tower, there were these kids behind me, what I would describe as punk ass kids! The one, looked like Justin Beiber but cursed every other word. He may have been 13 or 14 years old, max. Obviously trying to impress his friends, a guy and a girl, with all the swear words. I'll be honest, it was legitimately on my nerves and made me want to curse... Still annoys me to think about it.

So I get to the clock tower and there's a little patch of maybe 10 yoga mats! I settle in on my mat and quickly forget how annoyed I was just a few minutes earlier. My little space in the world, all to myself, perfect! Slowly but steadily the area fills up, before I know it I can count at least 45-50 yogis and they keep coming from all directions, it was beautiful. People of all different shapes, sizes, ethnicities, ages, everything all joining together for 50 minutes of their day, sharing sacred space with one another.

When I travel, I often feel like I stand out and even here in Canada where standing out is the commonality it was nice for a moment to feel at home amongst my fellow yogis! To see the excitement on the faces of those who had never taken classes before, and to see the serenity and peacefulness on the faces of those who are veterans to a practice. 

I can't wait to go back. I'm thankful to be in a town that offers yoga for free to the public once a week, so that everyone has the opportunity to feel what it's like. Even the onlookers who were simply sitting in the park, homeless even, would take a moment to be one, even that kid who annoyed the day lights out of me... For a moment we were all one, and that... was beautiful! 

Thank you Queen St Yoga, Kitchener, Ontario

The Hermitage

What is the hermitage? Firstly it's a beautiful hike just outside of Hamilton, Ontario in a town called Ancaster. There are waterfalls and I even saw a lone deer bedded down in the leave, who eventually followed our hike for a solid 5 minutes. 

After an hour hike or so you come to the old ruins originally built in 1830 as a church by a Rev. Sheed.

This place intrigues me...tales around town talk of the place being haunted, you can see from the picture that there is some crazy energy there. So I took my feelings when I saw it, did some research and found out a little bit of information that explains why it's so intriguing to me. 

Magdalene. 

Yep. It started with her.

This time a Magdalene from Greece. A few conflicting stories, but either she was refused to marry the family coachman or her niece was refused his hand. Either way the coachman took his own life and since then, mid 1800s, the eerie tales have continue.

After the coachmans death, the structure was sold, and torn down. A new home was built and there were two fires, one of which did no harm, the second of which took most of the home down. The new owner, Alma Leith refused to leave and lived in a tent inside the rubble with her scraggly dog until her death.

Interesting how this site connects with you in one way or another... Check out the picture, you can see the gray that outlines the building. Haven't touched this picture with anything, I didnt even notice the outline until I pulled it up on the computer. Creepy.

Choose love

Love is a choice. Who do you love and who do you continue to love through thick and thin. Who listens to you ramble, who cares (or acts like they care) about what sits close to your heart, who cares about you, and cares that you care about them. Who wants you to love them, who wants to love you... Is it money? Is it social? Is it approval? It's just a choice to love and to love without conditions, letting go of all expectations for yourself and the other person. Relax and let.it.be. You be you, I'll be me and we can be in love, fly through this world like free birds to sing and dance and do as we please, in love. People come and go but it's up to you who's company you keep. You compliment each other, you take care of each other, by choice. You are two free birds destined to do great wonders in the world but who offer three times the weight if the world to the world because you have the support of each other. You have the joy and privilege to choose to love someone. To choose to nest each night, always safe, always happy, always joyful, in the wings of love. 

May 2013

What is it?

It's born wild and free, but little does it know the dangers in the world.  A humble adventurer comes along whisping it away into a life that to others may seem trapped, but from an insiders eye, encourages the upper % of survival. It is given education, nourishment, discipline, and love all while remembering its instincts. Things it will need to continue to survive. There are times for work and times for play, days of laughter and days trudging along on your belly to get the blasted thing back where it belongs... All sacrifices and times of great joy and triumph for the humble adventurer.

Then comes the day when it must be released, into the wild, putting itself to the test... It is gone, for days, the humble adventurer curious of its wellbeing as they have grown to have a respected bond with one another... Then, it returns, it's crop filled with joy and gratitude for the skills it instinctively knew but that have been taught to it with great intention. 

It flies away, knowing the humbled adventurer and his mate have given their all for its survival, and it has now returned to shine its gratitude upon them, and it flies back into its born environment. The new yet familiar environment, the wild, to explore and to see the places previously dreamt about from a rocking stoop.

The humbled adventurer hangs up his hat on this project, but does he really? The love of the adventure will always be with him and never will he truly be finished. It hopes he will continue his own adventuring for the sake of the world and for the sake of it who loves him and his mate ever so dearly... Loves them for choosing it as an adventure.

What is "it"?

For it is the families dear red tailed hawk of course.

You Better Belize It! Cahal Pech Experience

Belize, what a beautiful place and quite accessible from the states. A simple 3 hour flight from Charlotte and ta da you have arrived. A quick bus ride and hello San Ignacio, home to xunantunich ruins which are a great site and visited by an influx of tourists because you can see Guatemala from the top. It's beautiful really, but the ruins of Cahal Pech got my attention quite a bit more. Just a short walk up from San Ignacio city, up a brutal hill in the heat I might add, you find this ruin set back and not filled with hustle and bustle. 

Cahal Pech was a ruin that held quite a large public market, a priest, a private market and the rulers home and a back area set for servants... Typical, however, the energy of this place was amazing. I travel with a great friend who experienced this energy and can only explain it herself, but I witnessed the chill bumps on her skin and the sheer look in her eye that there was something disturbed by us being there. Not wanting to stir up any negative spirits we took a minute to talk out loud that we were simply there to explore, not to damage or disrespect the space in any way. The back quarters, the space where the servants would have lived was the strongest. There was ill will there. Moving through the ruins we took a photo in the rulers bedroom and an aura of mist surrounds my entire body, seen only through the camera lense and on the photograph itself, it's quite intriguing. 

Being able to experience this in a foreign land and in an ancient myan ruin was a privilege. Just imagining the different way of life during that time puts everything today into prospective. After our experience with these new feelings and intrigue, we spent some time in the meditation room (yes, in the ruins) and came out feeling cleansed and at peace. 

What decisions had been made in that room in the past, what decisions were left at the door to that room in the past... Rulers had great responsibility that they took very seriously, knowing that waging war could cost lives and they would have to live with those decisions... Those decisions that would result in death, that is heavy... Just like the energy of the space outside of this room.

There is a lot to be said for the adage of 'leave it at the foot of the cross' whatever that means for you, leave the world at the door and check in with you, enter the meditation room with just yourself, baggage at the door, find a clear state of mind, for when you go out into the world again things will still be there, but you will have a clear head and a nourished body and soul. You will be prepared to face your day, take a breath, make the right decisions for you and yours, jump in and watch your manifestations unfold.

Authentic

What does it mean to be authentic? Being true to your inner self? What happens when you get off of your authentic train and meet people who you deem to be authentic but at the end of the day you realize they have tossed you off of your own authentic train? It's not for me to decide whether they are authentic to themselves or not, I can only be responsible for me and the authentic train that I am on. I find it interesting to sit back and observe though... people who drive their parents car and spend their parents money and spend all night at the bar drinking wine and indulging in life...junior league, clothes that cost more than they are worth and will only be worn once or twice, no perception of what really goes on with all of humanity. Are they really happy? Maybe it is authentic for some people to simply not have a perception of humanity? 

#eyestosee #earstohear